Isabella Ter-Hovhannisyan


* * *
can’t stand my own mind
- when will you be angelic?
are you mr. x? my darling
no you’re just what’s left of him

* * *
all things merge into one
am haunted by the salt
on your forehead
from the sweat
you wake up in
afraid – i’ve left
to find myself asleep
in your arms
let the time run through us…

* * *
I will develop a new religion, an anti-religious one
that will take me to my third Buddhist heaven
beyond the nature, above the understanding
let humans change with every meal they eat
will take old truths, will make them new
crisp like the morning in the mountains
make them loud as the color of the thunderhead

the infernal heat of human touch
will betray my soul never again
the laughter will turn to smile
the fragile drams will fall upon me

will take the road – nomadic state of mind
incorporate into myself
no identity will bind the flow of thought
will find the truth under my boot sole*
will celebrate myself in freedom newly-wed
get on blue highways – no speed limits there
will remain lost until am found
will be deprived unless am saved

the limited atonement of given gods – material and mindless
enjoy the moral universe – there is fundamental truth beyond us
gods cannot be encapsulated into democratic horizons of modern vision
foreordination is a fool of pain
suffering that will never be attained

the indoctrination of civil society will knock your socks off – won’t even notice
all know the great cosmic joke – jesus thought he was dead while he wasn’t

death is the numbing of the mind
you say death is the worst thing, but in fact the best as it unites you with your god
if you had god and you were not united
then dare not say that you have lived, so fear no death

if you think that you’re chosen by irresistible grace
and see it as an unmerited favor, which you can’t earn, nor can escape it
then you should know the elbow of a human is in a place
to bring a glass of wine right to the mouth
not to be folded in prayer – knees bent in imposed conformity

(and by the way if pocahontas is your hero,
then you should know she was a nymphomaniac)

once in your lifetime close the door behind
step into darkness eternal and ultimate
remember there is nothing worse than hardened inattentive heart
there were no hippies among puritans
surrounded by mental insignificance – the moral gloom of mortal world
the only truth you find when you’re alone, it is when looking at the stars

not merely read books, also think
don’t take what authors say for granted
listen to the sutra the hard-dabbing rain chants
the gorgeous death is practically indestructible

if you think nothing fits together
just know that it is the devilish incarnate
the fake feelings of everyday life
painted by life soldiers – artists of decay and misery


Published by the permission of the author. © by Isabella Ter-Hovhannisyan. No copying or redistribution allowed without the written permission of the author.

See also:

Poetry and fiction by Isabella in Armenian / in Russian

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